In the early days of your romance, being with him or her was such a heady rush, you didn't stop to ask too many questions or listen to the little niggling voice in your head. Now that the truth is out, you are embarrassed, ashamed, broke, and wonder if you can ever trust anyone again. Here are six ways to begin to recover (and move on if you need to).
1. Seek couples counseling if there is a possibility the situation could be rectified.
If your mate/partner is demonstrating remorse and wants to do their part to save the relationship, all may not be lost. It's possible that they need treatment for a gambling/drug/alcohol addiction and could be motivated to make changes. A marriage therapist could help you identify ways to protect yourself, get your finances back on track, and help your significant other to be more responsible. For more information, contact Park Center Inc. or a similar company.
2. Empower yourself by taking action.
If the scam was egregious and your lover has taken off for greener pastures, gather together all the evidence that you can and consult a lawyer about your options. If you are employed, you may be able to get a free consultation through an employee assistance program (EAP). Once you find the courage to do this, you will feel more empowered.
3. Give yourself some credit for being trusting.
To take advantage of someone and abuse them financially (and in other ways like ruining their reputation) could be evidence of sociopathic or antisocial traits.
You may be beating yourself up for being too trusting, but the reason you were able to trust is probably because you are trustworthy. It may be hard for you to even conceive of scamming someone else, especially someone you care about. So give yourself credit for that.
4. Appreciate the fact that you learned some things, even if it was the hard way.
Now that your eyes have been opened, you can now be more aware and knowledgeable the next time you are approached by someone with less-than-kind motives. You can think of your intuition as antennas that pick up subtle hints and signals from others. If what you are seeing and hearing makes you feel queasy, you will be more inclined to listen to the messages.
5. Consider broadening your friendships to include people who are confident, optimistic, and savvy in their financial dealings.
Sometimes when someone hears of your victimization, they may want to talk to you about theirs. Pretty soon you can unwittingly become part of a group of people who talk endlessly about their unfortunate experiences with sociopathic, narcissistic, borderline mates/lovers or addicts.
This can wear on your self esteem and make you feel restless, especially if there seems to be little or no movement or growth with your group of friends. If you want to have some support and talk with other victims in a group, make sure it is led by a professional who can give some guidance for making progress.
Be open to make a variety of new friends, especially with people who are strong, self-reliant, financially shrewd, and self-protective. Their strength can rub off on you, and you can learn from their strategies.
6. Imagine your future as bright and full of things to look forward to.
If you think all your chances of happiness and good things died with the shattering of your trust, you will feel like it is impossible to go on. You have to start thinking about and visualizing a better future. You know now what you don't want, so turn it around and think about what you do want out of love and life.
To keep moving forward, it helps to have some professional guidance and a compassionate ear to listen, so you will want to get some counseling for a time even if the relationship is over, or if you find yourself stuck and unable to stop ruminating about what happened. There may be other things at work here that need to be unearthed and dealt with.Share
30 July 2015
When I was younger, my parents didn't like us to talk about our problems. Instead of voicing our concerns, my parents encouraged us to work on our issues privately. Although this attitude taught me a great deal about personal strength, it has made it hard for me to talk about my problems with other people. After two failed marriages, I realized that the lack of communication could hurt my ability to work well with coworkers, spouses, roommates, and friends. In an attempt to correct my bad habits, I started working with a professional counselor, which made an immediate difference in my life. I know that counseling can help you too, which is why I created a website dedicated to communication and counseling.