Two Ways Your Past Can Haunt Your Current Marriage


It is common for marriages to have difficult times, and in the modern United States, marriage counseling is becoming an acceptable way to deal with rough patches. Many professionals say that marriage counseling is more likely to be effective if you seek help earlier in your marriage or even before you get married. Early intervention with a therapist not only gives you skills to deal with marital issues as they arise, but at a clinic like Associates For Counseling & Psychotherapy, they can help you identify and process these two ways that your past can sabotage your current relationship:

Unfulfilled Expectations 

Expectations of how your relationship will proceed and how your partner will behave can be influenced by many things. Your parents' relationship and their gender roles can affect how you think relationships work. Similarly, depictions of relationships in the media that you have been exposed to throughout your life can influence how you think the ideal marriage should function. Many marital expectations are so deeply ingrained that you may be unaware of them, but when your partner fails to meet them, you may become frustrated. 

A professional can help you identify your current expectations and where they originate. Once you have identified your expectations, you and your partner can either develop a plan to meet your each other's expectations or build new expectations together. Either way, your counselor can supply you with critical communication skills to help you navigate future expectations. 

Experiences that Have Shaped Who You and Your Partner Are

Past experiences not only shape your current expectations, they also affect how you behave towards your partner. Past trauma, such as childhood abuse, can affect your current communication and ability to trust. Less severe past experiences can also influence your current relationship. Past sexual relationships and friendships with the opposite sex, even positive ones, can create habits that you unconsciously use with your current partner. 

Fears and insecurities do not develop for without reason. During counseling, a therapist will help you and your partner identify your underlying emotions that cause current behaviors in your relationship. Once you have identified these emotions and the past experiences that have contributed to causing them, you may decide to continue with couple's counseling or work through any issues in individual therapy. 

While it is important to deal with the problems you have now and concentrate on building a future with your spouse, it is also important to deal with any past issues that might affect the happiness of your marriage. 


1 April 2015

Talking About Your Problems

When I was younger, my parents didn't like us to talk about our problems. Instead of voicing our concerns, my parents encouraged us to work on our issues privately. Although this attitude taught me a great deal about personal strength, it has made it hard for me to talk about my problems with other people. After two failed marriages, I realized that the lack of communication could hurt my ability to work well with coworkers, spouses, roommates, and friends. In an attempt to correct my bad habits, I started working with a professional counselor, which made an immediate difference in my life. I know that counseling can help you too, which is why I created a website dedicated to communication and counseling.